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Memory

by Vivian Girls

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1.
Most Of All 01:58
I’m feeling the weight of my skin Cuts me from within It’s tearing me up from inside I basically died But most of all I’m a tainted mess You’ll say she’s the best A demon in beautiful dress You’re good to impress And most of all You’ll think it’s chill when you don’t talk to me but I’m losing my best friend Now that there’s someone there instead of me Well this could be the end And most of all I still can’t hate you at all
2.
When you see me again somewhere down the open road You’ll be saying it then - “You look different than before” And I’ll say “No it’s not true” Blame it on the light of day But I’ll be worse off than you Now I’m crying as you say “We gotta live separate places We gotta start over on separate coasts You gotta see scary new faces You gotta move on You gotta move on You gotta move on and live your kind of life” In a vacant lot somewhere by an old hotel I’ll think of what I forgot and say “Oh it’s just as well” Then I’ll be sitting inside staring at a bad TV Something happy has died and now what’s become of me
3.
Sick 02:12
Sick again More often than not at the hands of men I’m sick to death Just well enough to speak a final breath Enough Is it in my head wishing i were dead I wanna hurl myself into the sea Is it in my mind Do you think I’m fine But then it’s not like this ever meant anything to me I lost it all My final brain cell banged against the wall Just one more day Tomorrow maybe I’ll wake up and say Enough And I’m not myself I am someone else I’m everyone they wanted me to be And I’m not ok I’m sick every day But then it’s not like this ever meant anything to me
4.
At It Again 02:02
Oh no You’re at it again At it again God should help you cuz you’re at it again At it again You got it wrong You’re totally lost What’s going around in your head Just look around and see what you’ve done You’re wasted and screaming in bed Oh God The fuck’s going on There’s nothing ok in your mind You should know by now you don’t deserve love Cuz no one can keep you in line Don’t understand How you think you’re good How you think you’re doing ok Don’t understand, my darling But I did what I could And you keep on being this way And no one wants you No one needs you No one loves you No one cares You’re at it again
5.
Lonely Girl 04:08
Please say good night Got no love to give I’m on a lonely ride Night comes undone When I go to sleep No word from anyone Though I miss having you by my side No you can’t come here tonight Cuz I’m a Lonely Girl Stare, see through time Do my magic tricks Turn water into wine It took its toll Body with no life A heart without a soul
6.
I’m looking for something to do But the world offers me nothing without you You went too far then took it all away I tried so hard to think of what to say But nothing I could do could make you stay We went to the beach and you took my hand And the stars shined so bright as we walked in the sand But these are the things you don’t understand You lied to me and told me that you care You captured me with your intensive stare But nothing I could do could make you there We went to the diner late at night And you gazed in my eyes and you held me so tight But these are the things that you can’t make right
7.
Sludge 02:17 video
The thought of that just makes me wanna cry So send a plume of smoke into the night sky We get up on the freeway Wild in our ways Said it’s all right with me Have a nice time today In the 7-11 parking lot Until we roll over to the next spot We get up on the freeway A queen and her kind Said it’s all right with me and then my heart starts to sing We get up on the freeway and our breath stinks of alchohol You said it matters nothing of what God thinks She kills us all We get up on the freeway and our breath reeks of alcohol I said it matters nothing cuz when God speaks She kills us all We get up on the freeway Free as a bird Said it matters nothing of the lies that you heard End up back at your place at the dawning Holding you so tight that I can feel you breathe I would never leave I would never leave At 5 AM the plane is crashing down
8.
Memory 01:57 video
This memory is all I need to feel ok So leave me with my memory to sleep the day Sleep the day away Everything that came before is just an empty shell What did I need to move on Well time did tell Oh You’re on your own But you don’t want me back for more On and on and on and on This memory is all I need to feel alright So leave me with my memory to stay inside It’s just another night of trying not to survive What’s the future What’s the past It stumbled into place There’s nothing here that I forgot that I can’t chase Oh You wanted all But you don’t want me back for more On and on and on and on and You wanted something here so bad You wanted something you never had You wanted something for so long But you’re wrong And it’s just another night of wishing I could go home
9.
I'm Far Away 03:42
I live in New York City And all my friends are dead And all their thoughts are swimming through my head I got a kinda feeling You might call paranoid Just know which situations to avoid Cuz I’m far away in my head I look at the ground like no one’s around No one’s around I’m going to a party with everyone I know And all our faces piled in the snow I see you come up to me And try to fake a smile I’ll be here in the corner for a while
10.
Mistake 02:22
Now and then I see you every day I get up and I go out and I pass the time away I knew it at the minute I was making a mistake But now I can’t believe the path that it would take Days go by and every one’s the same I knew it when I did it I had only me to blame I knew it when I did it I was making a mistake But now I can’t believe the path that it would take And now I cannot remember you I saw you on the street somewhere But know it really wasn’t you And now I can barely see your face I saw it in a photograph But coming from another place
11.
Staring into the void When all I’d known became destroyed And summertime filled the air Could you imagine when you were not there And all of your love All of your promises Wasn’t what you said they’d be And all of my shit All of my nothingness Is that all you expect from me? After it all crashed down The seeds of love were all around And some of them caught in time And all they said to me - “You’re nothing, worthless”
12.
Ah How has it come this far? Got to the end then here again and back again And now we don’t know who we are You You had me so confused But then you say “We’re here today” And now we may be going on another cruise Being there with you was not so easy After we were through I breathed a sigh But in the car with you We’d never laughed that hard I’m in love with you I can’t forget The things we used to do Since we first met I’d run away with you But I remember You don’t love me anymore Then I open up the door and there you are You’re waiting in the car You’re waiting and we’re off together Us forever No one else will find out where we are You’re waiting in the car

about

While a reunion record titled Memory may conjure images of a band waxing nostalgic about the halcyon days of yore, Vivian Girls’ newest record is anything but a pleasant reminiscence. The latent darkness that always haunted their records is on full display upon their return. Vivian Girls are back and they haven’t forgotten what they went through.

During their initial run as a band, Vivian Girls were a band of outsiders for outsiders. They existed in warehouses and house parties. The DIY spots, the small clubs. They were a band for the freaks, the malcontents. The ones who loved The Wipers as much as Burt Bacharach as much as The Shangri-Las. The ones who talked about astrology and politics and romance with equal passion. They were the band that made the punks feel like they could sing harmonies and pop fans could get in touch with their anger. Cassie Ramone’s lyrics alternated between love, loss and rage. They were heart-on-their-sleeves romantics in one breath and a spiraling explosion of feedback in the next. They were a band that we needed. No one wrote about all the bands that started in their wake in 2009. But let us remember: Vivian Girls not only gave us their songs; they gave us a chance to believe in ourselves.

And they were a band that made the indie gatekeepers uncomfortable. And so they were ones that paid for what made them special. Since their time as a band, the comment threads that demeaned and threatened them with violence have since been deemed irresponsible and removed. Websites dedicated to their bodies under the cheap veil of irony have been shuttered. One would hope that today, major music publications would no doubt reconsider having a male reviewer question their “place in indie rock.”

After their third album -- 2011’s Share the Joy -- the members of Vivian Girls parted ways and the band who had known each other since they were teenagers, went about the business of living. Katy Goodman and Ali Koehler both moved to Los Angeles, continued making music (La Sera for Goodman, Best Coast and Upset for Koehler) and started families. Ramone continued to make art in Brooklyn, released two solo records and two full-lengths with Kevin Morby as The Babies, and moved to Los Angeles in 2018 after a phone call with Goodman spurred the idea of playing music together again.

With Ramone and Goodman on board, Koehler (the drummer for Vivian Girls’ second full-length Everything Goes Wrong) re-joined the band and the trio began playing together again during the spring of 2018, keeping the practices a secret and enjoying the simple communion of playing together. By fall, the members of Vivian Girls were ready to enter the studio and over the course of two sessions in mid-September and Halloween week, Memory was recorded with producer Rob Barbato (Kevin Morby, The Fall). (Please note that during the September session, there was a waxing moon in Scorpio/Sagittarius, sun in Virgo, while during the October session, there was a full moon in Taurus, sun in Scorpio.)

Memory is an album filled with personal reflections on toxic relationships, the false promise of new love, mental health struggles, and finding ways to accept oneself amidst it all. And of course, there is the trademark mystery that set the band apart during its first incarnation. Even when we don’t know what exactly a Vivian Girls song is about, we know it is true.

Fittingly, the sonic textures of the album match this sense of desperation and longing. It’s a loud, snarling journey and there’s a sense of streamlined direction and intensity to the performances: it sounds like a band returning to a core idea of itself.

In the end, Vivian Girls have returned to making music together, looking to the future while bringing their past along with them, boldly and without apologies. And so let us listen and remember: we can still believe in ourselves.

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released September 20, 2019

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